BC Spoof: Panel Jockeys

Tweet It's that time of year again. Last year, Jeff Spicoli dropped by and gave us a few chuckles in our Aloha Breeders' Cup interview. This year we have a full panel of horse racing industry types that answer some pretty darn serious questions facing the big event that's ten days away. This year's panel includes Steven Christ, the Governator, Jim Romo, Fred DeHoser, Greg Ravioli, Alex Droptheball and Re-HANA. They'll chime in, as appropriate, while answering some of the hot questions burning within this year's edition of Spoof the Cup.


SpaceMan: So the BC committee made a riveting change to different color saddle cloths this year from the common BC purple, any thoughts on this change?

Greg Ravioli: Well, we met with a group of bloggers/fans last November after the 25th anniversary of the Cup and we figured if we threw 'em a bone they'd probably go away. Success!
Steven Christ: My blog readers will no longer be totally confused now when I show my little Formulator squares for my P6 selections which would have all been purple. Cheers to the Committee!
Fred DeHoser: Rachel Alexandra has my vote for Horse of the Year (HotY).
Jim Romo: Errr.....the clones have prevailed again!
Re-HANA: Horseplayers unite, but how about lowering takeout next time!

SpaceMan: The big question on everyone's mind is will Zenyatta run in the Classic or the Ladies' Classic?

Jim Romo: She's dusted Hot 'n Dusty at least four times, so you know if big Z steps her game up she can win the whole enchilada. J-stew get Simpson on the phone, we can make a show on this take!
Steven Christ: I think I may be playing the P6 at Aqueduct instead. I love the NY tracks, don't you?
The Governator: I've been waiting fellahs to chime een here. I think she will make luggage out of those male horse types. Have you seen my new bill that will save horse racing by the way?Re-HANA: I'm going to go Chris Brown on you, Arnold.
Fred DeHoser: No way Rachel doesn't win HotY.
Alex Droptheball: I'd like to take a moment to note that the Safety and Integrity Alliance has passed at Santa Anita with flying colors....did you know it's the biggest initiative we've had this year?


SpaceMan: So the choice to go to consecutive years on a synthetic surface has been questioned pretty heavily, can you expand on how you will deal with this question (> 1,000 times) in the next 10 days?

Greg Ravioli: Track surface is just one thing, but we'll have gorgeous babes all over the place and Californy is the place ya wanna be!
Steven Christ: Not loadin' up the truck here. Can't handicap it, nope. Just can't. Praying for a carryover at Aqueduct.
Alex Droptheball: You're riding a slippery slope there SpaceMan, be careful...you know, Tommy Thompson is one of my bestest buds.
Fred DeHoser: You know who has my vote....
The Governator: We have beautiful weather, beautiful women, the best IOU's and have I mentioned that I'm saving the industry, too?


SpaceMan: So I hear there's going to be a Tweeters' Cup, do you think that'll drum up some attendance with the LA techie types?

Greg Ravioli: I know you'll be there SpaceMan. We are pulling out all of the stops and there's some great grab bag stuff too...
Jim Romo: When in Rome...
Alex Droptheball: I would like to have a few words with you at the Tweet-up and introduce you to Tommy.
Fred DeHoser: I'll be there making some predictions!!
The Governator: Tweeting has been exhilarating for me and I will be there on Friday to meet all my fans and constituents.
Re-HANA: Tweet, schpeet. Repeat after me: Lower takeout. Lower takeout. Lower takeout. If you lower it, the churn will come.
Steven Christ: After viewing that photo shoot, maybe I will be Westward-ho.


SpaceMan: Ok, last question, you've all been great. Moving the Marathon to Friday afternoon? What gives?

Greg Ravioli: Voodoo, SpaceMan, voodoo. Did you see how I lulled everyone to sleep with that one? No petitions to Take Back the Race. No Filly Friday upheavals. Dished up a little change up and wah-lah. Brilliant, eh?
Steven Christ: Hey, what ever happened to the Distaff??
The Governator: In Austria, I climbed many mountains in my youth, the Marathon reminds me of my native land.
Jim Romo: Where is Chrissy Everett when you need her, he'd be a great spokesperson for Friday.
Alex Droptheball: We're just pleased as pudding that the World Series is on the East Coast.

The above interview and characters are fictional, any rebroadcast, retransmission of the above is prohibited. Filed under: Tongue in cheek.

Aloha, Breeders Cup

Tweet Dear Mr. Avioli,

I am emailing you as I am disturbed by the reactions lately that seem to blame the Breeders Cup and/or the industry for everything that is happening in racing. I know you are trying your best to put out a terrific product and that you just can’t do anything regarding things out of your control (retirements, etc). I was wondering if you could answer a few questions that would help me understand your position on various topics concerning the Breeders Cup, and shed some light on how you think things are shaping up. I know you are probably extremely busy, but I’d like to give you an opportunity to respond to some of the masses that seem to harp endlessly on the sport and in particularly, the Breeders Cup.

Yours in racing,
EquiSpace

Instead of responding directly, the CEO of the Breeders Cup forwarded it on to his public relations minister, Jeffrey Spicoli, who since graduating from Ridgemont High has moved up the ranks at the BC. Here are some excerpts from our interview:

SpaceMan: What kind of attendance figures are you looking for during the two days of championship racing?
Spicoli: Aloha, Mr. SpaceMan. Well, I'll tell you, racing's not a sport, it's a way of life, you know, a hobby. It's a way of looking at those horses coming down the stretch and saying, "Hey bud, let's party!"

SpaceMan: What kind of handle are you projecting for the two days?
Spicoli: Righteous bucks!

SpaceMan: Last year at Monmouth was the first time the championships were held over two days, why Friday instead of Sunday again this year (is it the daunting presence of the NFL)?
Spicoli: All you need are some tasty races, a cool buzz, and you'll be fine.

SpaceMan: The decision to make this year’s first day, “Filly Friday” is one that has been derided heavily on the web, do you still think this is a good decision and is this something that is projected to occur in the future?
Spicoli: Relax, all right? My old man is a television repairman, he's got this ultimate set of tools. I can fix it.

SpaceMan: Were you aware that an internet petition was circulated to “Take Back the Races” on Friday to boycott betting on the Friday card? Any reaction?
Spicoli: No, I wasn't but after the Cup, I'm heading over to the Japan Cup and the Hawaiian internationals, and then me and Mick are going to wing on over to London and jam with the Stones! Wanna come?

SpaceMan: The decision to rename the Distaff, the Ladies’ Classic, as well, has received a lot of negative exposure, possibly alienating a big part of the betting public, will that decision be reevaluated?
Spicoli: Hey bud, what's your problem?

SpaceMan: With the defection of Big Brown due to his retirement, which now jeopardizes the chance that the casual sports fan might tune in, what are you going to try and promote to increase ratings, etc for the Classic and Saturday’s card?
Spicoli: Well, I'll tell you bud, I did battle some humongous television types! But you know, just like I told the guy on ABC, "Danger is my business!"

SpaceMan: Why the movement between the two stations (ESPN and ABC) is it really due to the sponsorship by a hard liquor company (Grey Goose) which Disney would not allow on its flagship channel (ABC)?
Spicoli: (ordering pizza)

SpaceMan: I have read that there will be less commercials this year, is this due to lack of demand or to provide the viewer with greater insights and background stories?
Spicoli: Jerry Bailey, bud, he's the full hot orator.

SpaceMan: What is the most important factor (key indicator) for you with respect to this year’s Cup?
Spicoli: Uh, uh... I don't know. People on 'ludes should not ride?

SpaceMan: How do you think the Americans will fare next week with the huge European invasion of horses?
Spicoli: What Jefferson was saying was, Hey! You know, we left this England place 'cause it was bogus; so if we don't get some cool races ourselves - pronto - we'll just be bogus too! Get it?

SpaceMan: Uh...I guess. Thank you so much for your time.
Spicoli: Aloha, Mr. SpaceMan.

The above interview and characters are fictional, any rebroadcast, retransmission of the above is in direct violation of the blogging association of america.