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Monday, October 20, 2008

Aloha, Breeders Cup

Dear Mr. Avioli,

I am emailing you as I am disturbed by the reactions lately that seem to blame the Breeders Cup and/or the industry for everything that is happening in racing. I know you are trying your best to put out a terrific product and that you just can’t do anything regarding things out of your control (retirements, etc). I was wondering if you could answer a few questions that would help me understand your position on various topics concerning the Breeders Cup, and shed some light on how you think things are shaping up. I know you are probably extremely busy, but I’d like to give you an opportunity to respond to some of the masses that seem to harp endlessly on the sport and in particularly, the Breeders Cup.

Yours in racing,

Instead of responding directly, the CEO of the Breeders Cup forwarded it on to his public relations minister, Jeffrey Spicoli, who since graduating from Ridgemont High has moved up the ranks at the BC. Here are some excerpts from our interview:

SpaceMan: What kind of attendance figures are you looking for during the two days of championship racing?
Spicoli: Aloha, Mr. SpaceMan. Well, I'll tell you, racing's not a sport, it's a way of life, you know, a hobby. It's a way of looking at those horses coming down the stretch and saying, "Hey bud, let's party!"

SpaceMan: What kind of handle are you projecting for the two days?
Spicoli: Righteous bucks!

SpaceMan: Last year at Monmouth was the first time the championships were held over two days, why Friday instead of Sunday again this year (is it the daunting presence of the NFL)?
Spicoli: All you need are some tasty races, a cool buzz, and you'll be fine.

SpaceMan: The decision to make this year’s first day, “Filly Friday” is one that has been derided heavily on the web, do you still think this is a good decision and is this something that is projected to occur in the future?
Spicoli: Relax, all right? My old man is a television repairman, he's got this ultimate set of tools. I can fix it.

SpaceMan: Were you aware that an internet petition was circulated to “Take Back the Races” on Friday to boycott betting on the Friday card? Any reaction?
Spicoli: No, I wasn't but after the Cup, I'm heading over to the Japan Cup and the Hawaiian internationals, and then me and Mick are going to wing on over to London and jam with the Stones! Wanna come?

SpaceMan: The decision to rename the Distaff, the Ladies’ Classic, as well, has received a lot of negative exposure, possibly alienating a big part of the betting public, will that decision be reevaluated?
Spicoli: Hey bud, what's your problem?

SpaceMan: With the defection of Big Brown due to his retirement, which now jeopardizes the chance that the casual sports fan might tune in, what are you going to try and promote to increase ratings, etc for the Classic and Saturday’s card?
Spicoli: Well, I'll tell you bud, I did battle some humongous television types! But you know, just like I told the guy on ABC, "Danger is my business!"

SpaceMan: Why the movement between the two stations (ESPN and ABC) is it really due to the sponsorship by a hard liquor company (Grey Goose) which Disney would not allow on its flagship channel (ABC)?
Spicoli: (ordering pizza)

SpaceMan: I have read that there will be less commercials this year, is this due to lack of demand or to provide the viewer with greater insights and background stories?
Spicoli: Jerry Bailey, bud, he's the full hot orator.

SpaceMan: What is the most important factor (key indicator) for you with respect to this year’s Cup?
Spicoli: Uh, uh... I don't know. People on 'ludes should not ride?

SpaceMan: How do you think the Americans will fare next week with the huge European invasion of horses?
Spicoli: What Jefferson was saying was, Hey! You know, we left this England place 'cause it was bogus; so if we don't get some cool races ourselves - pronto - we'll just be bogus too! Get it?

SpaceMan: Uh...I guess. Thank you so much for your time.
Spicoli: Aloha, Mr. SpaceMan.

The above interview and characters are fictional, any rebroadcast, retransmission of the above is in direct violation of the blogging association of america.

1 Comment:

Winston...not really said...

Re: Distaff Friday

Well, naturally something happens. I mean, you put out the vibe to 30 million chicks, something is gonna happen.


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