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Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Death and Taxes

I laugh to myself whenever I peer outside my office window to see the mortuary that stands right behind my accounting firm's building, thinking of the famous Benjamin Franklin quote: "The only things certain in life are death and taxes." Apparently one Calvin Borel has taken that one step further and has guaranteed that his horse, Mine That Bird, will win this weekend's Belmont Stakes (G1). Someone's going to have to notify Benny F, that those aren't the only things that are certain.

Of course, I love his braggadocio and swagger that makes him crack my top five list of famous sports guarantees. Here they are (in order):

1) Broadway Joe Namath - Who else would be #1 than Joe, who backed up his "We're gonna win the game. I guarantee it," with a victory over the 17 point favorite Baltimore Colts in Super Bowl III.

2) Mark Messier - Who can forget the famous back cover of the NY Post proclaiming Messier's promise that “We'll Win Tonight,” regarding Game Six of the Stanley Cup Semifinals in 1994, and backed it up with a stunning victory over the NJ Devils.

3) Mike Vanderjagt - This one didn't work out so well. Matter of fact, it was downright ugly. After guaranteeing victory over the rival Patriots in January 2005 during the NFL Playoffs, QB Peyton Manning replied "our idiot kicker went out and got liquored up again." It played as locker room bulletin board fodder for the Pats who waxed the Colts that day, 20-3.

4) The Boise Burn - Nothing beats Guaranteed Win Night, especially when pizza is involved. Trying to halt a six-game losing streak, the team guaranteed victory or every fan would receive a free pizza. Bet you never thought an Arena Football game would make my list...

5) Borel cracks it with today stating before a packed house during a Belmont Stakes media luncheon at Madison Square Garden: “He'll win. That's what we're here for.” (source: NYRA press release)

Am I forgetting any other memorable guarantees?


The Turk said...

"I'm going to get us the tools to finish the job"

Mr. Regis addressing the crowd of dejected Sabre fans post No-Goal Game.

Oh....that didn't happen. Nevermind.

Elizabeth said...

It may not fall under the category of a guarantee, per se, but what about Rick Dutrow last year saying that Big Brown winning the Belmont was a "foregone conclusion?"

SaratogaSpa said...

Ali over Frazier in the Thriller in Manilli-Ali in often crude terms guaranteed a victory before the match.

2 failures in the NBA: Mo Williams of the Cavs just recently guaranteed a Cavs series win over the Magic..and the Magic won the series.

Pat Ewing guaranteed so many playoff wins that failed with the Knicks that NY fans considered his guarantees a bad joke.


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